Why did I cross that road?

Psychic Chicken Tshirt Contest Entries:

Ya have to be my FB friend to enter! (Look for Ruprecht Roosterdamus on Facebook.)

Linda Park: "Cause they were giving away free Psychic Chicken Tshirt on the other side ... D'oh!"

"Uhmmmm what *burp* chicken?"

Chelle Dell: "Because it was shady on the other side and he was starting to smell like Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Jamie Kennedy Hornbaker: "He couldn't resist a pair of spicy wings on the other side."

Kerrice Mapes: "To get a little sauced (and your friendly Ranch or Honey Mustard isn’t going to do the trick.)"

The list of answers below was originally sent to me by Hope Bates, a true Psychic Chicken™ believer. I've added a few of my own and a lot of great submissions from my loyal minions.

E-mail a good one and I'll add it here (makes ya my minion but ya were anyway, Bucko, so get over it already.)

The list is alphabetical by last name so take a minute and scroll down to find yer favorite personality.

Original contributors: Carol Provoncha, Laura McKeown, Debra Lamb-Deans, Ken Kopin, Edward Suttor, Eli and Jennifer Ofenstein, Maras Harral, Andy McCranie, Jon Carnes, Michael Gabbard and J. Chalk.

Famous people answer:

1. Douglas Adams: It panicked...
2. Douglas Adams (revisited): 42...
3. Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
4. Neil Armstrong: That's one small crossing for chicken, one giant leap for chicken-kind!
5. John Ashcroft: to trample the U.S. Constitution.
6. Robert Asprin: It was a terrible myth-step...
7. Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
8. Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
9. Leopold Bloom: Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law.
10. Mrs Marion Bloom: Migration maybe.
11. Molly Bloom: the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
12. Erma Bombeck: Because the grass is always greener on the other side silly!
13. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
14. George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
15. George W. Bush: To avoid questions about drugs and promiscuous sex and where I was partying instead of doing my duty in the Texas Air National Guard, I mean, avoiding service in Viet Nam. And cause my daddy said I get to be President cause it’s not who casts the votes, it’s who counts them!
16. Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
17. Candide: To cultivate its garden.
18. Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.
19. Dick Cheney: To give Halliburton another 2 or 3 billion dollars of taxpayer money and to vote against Head Start and Medicare and oops - I forgot - I have to pretend to be compassionate until November... NO COMMENT!
20. President Clinton: The chicken crossed the road because the bridge to the 21st century is still under construction.
21. Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
22. Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
23. Salvador Dali: The Fish.
24. Rodney Dangerfield: Because it didn't get no respect!
25. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
26. Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
27. Paul de Man: (uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.
28. Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.
29. Jacques Derrida: What is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
30. Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
31. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
32. Bob Dole: Bob Dole says because he fell off the stage and landed across the road.
33. Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
34. Albert Einstein: Did the chicken cross the road, or did the road move under the chicken? It's all relative, you see.
35. TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
36. TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?
37. Elvis:To get rockin' in the chicken-house rock! Thank ya, thank ya very much!
38. Epicurus: For fun.
39. Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
40. Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
41. William Faulkner: A slight hesitation perhaps may have prevented, or, at least, lessened the disaster that ensued, and might even have produced an outcome that would have resulted in a safe crossing, had the chicken, perhaps, not abandoned all thought of possible consequences, even though none could predict the end that came to be.
42. Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
43. Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
44. Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it.
45. Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
46. Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
47. Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
48. Bill Gates: It doesn't matter since I'll soon own the chicken, the road and the air you're breathing to ask the question.
49. Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
50. Newt Gingrich: It was in the Contract with Chickens. Or maybe to borrow money from Bob Dole to pay for lying to Congress. Your pick.
51. Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
52. Al Gore: To keep thousands of Blacks from voting in Florida? Wait, that was Jeb Bush...
53. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
54. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
55. David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
56. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it (supplied to us by George Bush, Sr.)
57. Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
58. James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.
59. James Joyce: Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
60. Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.
61. Jack Kemp: Because he'd do anything to get on the ticket.
62. John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
63. Martin Luther King: It had a dream.
64. James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
65. Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for object a.
66. Mrs. Lamb (Debra's mom): To see Gregory Peck.
67. Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
68. Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
69. Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
70. G. Gordon Liddy: What do you think I am? An informant? Throw me in jail for all I care but I will not answer that question!
71. G. Gordon Liddy (revisited): How much? $10? Sure, I'll talk. Well you see there were these guys - Cubans I think - and well I knew them from the Ellsberg thing so when RN says we should get over there and bug the Democratic HQ naturally I was just the guy to get the job done. Bungled it of course but who knew it would bring down the whole rotten mess? Shoulda shot Dean like I wanted and nothing would of come of any of it.
72. Joseph Lieberman: To avoid being likened to the Republicans of course. (Saying I'm like George W. is like saying a veterinarian and a taxidermist are alike because either way, you get your dog back.)
73. Rush Limbaugh: Liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals...er what was the question again? Oh, and don't worry about sunscreen - the ozone's fine, trust me - it's just a commie plot to keep you off the beaches so they can invade us and take over our national parks. I'M SO LONLEY. WHY DON'T PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME ANYMORE????
74. Rush Limbaugh (revisited): Drug offenders should rot in jail, they’re a danger to society and we have to lock them up and throw away the key... uh, wait a minute... let me think about that for a moment...
75. Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
76. Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
77. Dr. McCoy (Bones): He's dead, Jim. I'm a Doctor, Dammit, not a traffic cop for poultry.
78. Ol' McDonald: Here a chicken, there a chicken, everywhere a chicken, chicken...
79. Marshall McLuhan: The chicken is the road.
80. Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
81. John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.
82. Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
83. Fox Mulder: It didn't cross on its own - it was abducted.
84. Eddie Murphy: To get to the *!@#$ other side
85. Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
86. Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
87. Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
88. Richard Nixon: I am not a chicken! (Did we get that on tape?)
89. Noah (the Ark guy): So THAT's where he was!
90. Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
91. Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
92. Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
93. Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.
94. Robert Plant: It was crossing the stairway to heaven...
95. Edgar Allen Poe: To escape from the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells--of the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells....
96. Colin Powell: I’m sorry, I can’t answer that question - Dick Cheney hasn’t told me what to say yet.
97. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
98. Monty Python: Which chicken? Do you mean a South African Chicken or a South African Grey Chicken? It makes a difference, you see, because a South African Chicken can carry a coconut on it's back while it crosses, but a South African Grey Chicken is much smaller, and therefore, of course, as a natural consequence, cannot carry a coconut...
99. Dan Quayle: It wuz luuking for chikken vaalues.
100. Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
101. Ronald Reagan: I forget.
102. Condoleezza Rice: To find my mythical weapons of mass destruction.
103. Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
104. ANDY ROONEY: Did you ever notice that the chicken is always crossing the road? What's with that? And what's so great about the other side of the road anyway? You never see the chicken just happy to stay where it's at do you? I think it has something to do with the Teamsters...
105. Donald Rumsfeld: To invade with too few troops and no real plan!
106. Carl Sagan: Such a crossing was inevitable. With billions of chickens and billions of roads in the Universe, I wonder how many billions of crossings have occurred over the last billion years.
107. Colonel Sanders: Who cares? He was just a drop in the bucket.
108. Dana Sculley: Mulder, there could be any number of perfectly normal reasons for this event.
109. O.J. Simpson: I drove by that chicken in my Broncho, but I didn't run him over. That chicken blood musta been planted by a racist cop.
110. Dr. Seuss:
     They wish to be on the other side.
     This is a fact they do not hide.
     This is a fact.
     This is so true.
     Crossing roads is what chickens do.
     What is there?
     They do not know.
     They want to know,
     therefore, they go.
111. Brittney Spears: Because it needed a new sergeon of course. (You know i was thinking of getting my lips done myself and ....)
112. John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
113. Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
114. William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
115. Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
116. Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
117. Albert Speer: He was just following orders.
118. The Sphinx: You tell me.
119. George Stephanopoulos (revisitied): Why did the chicken cross the road? Because... excuse me? Yes it's true that White Water and Watergate have the word "water" in them but that's pretty thin isn't it? Now back to the chicken... pardon? Yes, you are correct that plumbers do occasionally work with water but Nixon's plumbers weren't really plumbers now were they? Anyway, we believe the chicken crossed the road because... I'm sorry? No, President Clinton hasn't ordered anyone to break-in anywhere or have the IRS audit his "enemies" or trampled the Constitution - and frankly, even if he had, he wouldn't be stupid enough to record it all and then try to erase the tapes to hide his involvement.

     We believe the chicken crossed the road to avoid another round of vindictive money-squandering Senate hearings on White Water.

120. High School Student: Do I have to write a paper on this?
121. Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
122. Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
123. Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
124. Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
125. J.R.R. Tolkien: One Road to rule them all, one Road to find them, one Road to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them...
126. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
127. Darth Vader: Never underestimate the power of the dark side of the road.
128. George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
129. Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
130. Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
131. Woodstock (Snoopy's bird friend): " ''' ' " ' "" ''''
132. William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
133. X Files: Case--UNEXPLAINED!!
134. Molly Yard: It was a hen!
135. Yoda: The chicken feels The Force. The chicken crosses or does not cross the road, MMM? Then a Jedi chicken is he.
136. Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
137. Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

You still here? Scram!